There are hundreds of cheerful Christmas songs that help to put us in the holiday mood. So, it's a shame that shops and radio stations make us listen to the same ones over and over again. Sorry, Wham!, but "Last Christmas" is the last Christmas song some of us want to keep hearing - apart from the one that begins with Shakin' Stevens telling us that snow is falling. That's unlikely in England, so I'd rather stick with the official weather forecast after the news on TV.
There are lots of other songs that would make a nice change. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus", for example, or "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". Not part of family life at Christmas, perhaps, but the sort of stories used in special Christmas editions of TV dramas and soap operas.
I'm worried about "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer". Although it's not on the list of the 40 most frequently streamed Christmas songs, it is very well known, tells a positive and inclusive story, and doesn't involve injury to senior citizens.
Rudolph's fellow reindeer make fun of his red nose and discriminate against him. But the tables are turned when Father Christmas asks him for help: the light from Rudolph's shiny nose will help Santa to see where he's going while he's out delivering presents.
We're not told why Rudolph's nose is red. Perhaps he just dresses up as a clown. Perhaps he drinks. But, as with the Ugly Duckling turning into a swan, it's nice to hear feel-good stories in which animals overcome prejudice and find their true selves. So, why isn't this the number-one song at Christmas?
Fortunately, reindeer get plenty of opportunities to get their own back and undermine the festivities. Staff in shops and restaurants have to wear antlers with flashing red lights, and many Christmas pullovers have reindeer on them. If you've seen the film Bridget Jones's Diary, you'll know from Colin Firth's face that he was going to need a lot of therapy after wearing one.
There are even creepy reindeer-head cuddly toys that you fix to the wall as if they were hunting trophies in a Disneyland version of Neuschwanstein. Every time someone walks past such a head, it bursts into song. Not "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer", but a number-one 1974 hit by Mud: "Lonely this Christmas".
It's odd to hear a reindeer sing "It will be lonely this Christmas without you to hold" - its lip quivering with emotion. The group's frontman, Les Gray, deliberately made himself sound like a miserable Elvis Presley - which is more than enough to make you run outside and throw yourself under a passing reindeer.
To minimize the trauma, it's best to switch the reindeer head off. There are plenty of shop workers who no doubt wish they could do the same with Wham! and Shakin' Stevens. They work like elves to make Christmas a success, while reindeer sounding like Elvis try to ruin it.