Differences of opinion are common in the workplace. Examples include colleagues disagreeing about a process, a deadline or some other aspect of their daily work. In many cases, these differences of opinion are resolved easily by the people involved. But when such disagreements get in the way of effective collaboration or risk damaging relationships, it is important to be able to step in and mediate.
Question
As you read the following dialogue, look for the things that Kerstin does to mediate the conflict and find a satisfactory resolution. How many can you find?
It’s simple. We need to respond to my customer’s request and deliver the best solution we can within the time available.
But it’s not that easy. We need an extra week to get the quality right.
They’ll never agree to that.
But there’s not enough time to create a really good solution, and that means delivering something substandard. That’s not good enough, especially as I’m responsible for quality. It will damage our reputation and external relationships — and affect us internally if the team thinks that we’re happy to deliver substandard work.
Right, you both have different opinions, and we need to find a way forward. Can we at least agree on that in the first instance?
Yes, we can.
As I see it is, Phil, you want to prioritize the customer’s deadline, even if it means not delivering our best work. And, Monica, you want to prioritize the quality of our work, even if it means delivering the work late or pushing back the deadline.
Well, that’s one way of putting it. But I also think quality is important. We just can’t risk our reputation or customer relationships by delivering late.
Yes, Kerstin, that’s what I’m saying. But I understand that we also need to respect our customers’ deadlines and maintain good relationships.
OK, good. Well, at least we have some common ground. You both understand the importance of customer relations, our own reputation and quality. Let’s think about what kind of compromise is possible, so that we can find a way forward. OK?
I suppose so.
Well, it’s not ideal. But go on.
Can we get a higher-quality response to the client without it taking an extra week?
My team could reallocate some of their work so they are available to focus on this project. But then I’ll need support from you on another project next week, Phil.
Sure, I can help you with that. If you give me extra support this week, we’ll be able to deliver the quality you want, and I can spend some time next week helping your team catch up on whatever they don’t get done for other customers this week.
Yes, that works for me.
Great. So, we have some agreement and compromise from both of you. Monica will focus her team on this customer for the next week and postpone some other things. In return, Phil is going to help Monica and her team next week with the other project work they’ve postponed.
Sounds good. That works for me, too. Thanks, Monica.
Answer
Here is the answer to the question we asked. Kerstin does the following things to mediate the conflict:
- She gets people to accept that a conflict exists and that they need to find a way forward.
- She summarizes the situation and the cause(s) of the conflict.
- She talks about the goals of each person involved.
- She finds common ground.
- She gets agreement that some compromise will be necessary.
- She asks questions to get each side thinking of a solution.
- She looks for some level of agreement from both sides.
- She finishes with a summary and reconfirms the agreement.
Note: Both people might not always be as cooperative as Phil and Monica are in our example. In such cases, you will need to help them do the things listed above. In cases where the conflict is already known, you could meet each side individually first, to find out where their flexibility may lie. Then, in the meeting, you will already know how to bring them together with compromise and can lead the discussion in that direction.
Grammar
Using positive words negatively
Sometimes, we can have greater effect if we negate a positive word rather than use a negative-sounding word. Compare these examples from the dialogue with the alternatives given:
Negated words
- That’s not good enough.
- It’s not ideal.
Negative-sounding words
- That’s bad.
- That’s terrible.
Useful phrases for mediating conflict
A. Identifying the conflict
- It’s clear you have different opinions.
- The situation as I see it is that…
- One of you wants/thinks... and the other wants/thinks...
B. Finding common ground
- You both want the best solution.
- You have some common ground in this situation.
- Let’s think about the things you both want.
C. Making compromises
- We need to find a way forward.
- You both understand that we need to find a solution.
- Both of you need to be flexible.
- Where can you be flexible?
- Is there a way you can both… ?
- We need to find a compromise.
- What are you willing to do for the other person?
D. Reaching agreement
- That sounds like a good way forward.
- It’s good to see some compromise from you both.
- Can we agree on that?
- Great. So, you’re in agreement.
- So, you’ll do…, and you’ll…
- Does that work for you both?
Key tips!
- Don’t allow a conflict to continue. Step in actively to mediate it.
- Try to understand all perspectives — if possible, before the meeting.
- Make it clear that some level of compromise will be necessary.
- Ask open and direct questions about what each side can do for the other.
- End positively and acknowledge the compromises that are made.
- Also acknowledge the success that is achieved.
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