For many people, the world of work is very different from the way it was just six months ago. Some people are doing well in this new situation. Others are not doing so well, and they might not ask you for support — or even be open with you about the problems they are facing. If you think someone is having difficulties, it’s important to offer them both empathy and support. You might not be able to solve their problems, but being there for them, listening and asking questions can be a big help.
Question
As you read the dialogue, can you identify all the positive things that Ron does to support Ed?
Hi, Ed. You don’t seem yourself lately. How are things?
OK, I suppose.
I’ve noticed that you’ve retreated a bit from our online team communication. And that you’re less prepared than usual for our team meetings. Are you OK?
To be honest, I’m feeling quite overloaded and also demotivated.
I’m sorry to hear that, Ed. I know you’ve been going through a lot lately. It must be tough.
Well, yes, it is. I’ve got two new projects on top of all of my regular workload. I don’t feel that the boss notices or values my hard work — and it’s getting me down. I’m feeling under pressure and demotivated at the same time.
That doesn’t sound good, Ed.
No, it’s not. I’m also under pressure at home, as the baby is a handful, and the house extension isn’t finished yet.
You do have a lot going on. How can I help?
I’m not sure, Ron. It’s all becoming too much.
It sounds like it can’t continue like this. What can you change at home? Which of these things can you influence?
Good question. I can’t really influence the speed of the builders, but they should be finished in about two weeks. It’ll definitely get easier then.
OK, and what support can you get from your family?
I could ask my parents to visit for a few weeks once the builders are gone. They could help with the baby so that my wife and I can catch up on sleep.
There you go. So, things should be a bit better in around two weeks, right?
Yes. Thanks, Ron. I guess things aren’t quite so bad.
And what about work? Is the main problem that you have too much work for one person to do? Or is it more about the recognition you feel you’re not getting from the boss?
It’s a bit of both.
OK, who can help you with the projects? And are there other tasks that you could either delegate or postpone?
I do have two other reports to do for next month. But I could wait a few weeks before starting the reports and focus on the new projects now.
That sounds like a good idea. And how can you make it easier for the boss to see all the good work you’re doing?
I guess I could send her a weekly overview of my work and the progress I’ve been making.
That would be good. And then you’re more likely to get that recognition for all your hard work.
Thanks, Ron. It’s been really useful talking to you. I feel much better now.
That’s good to hear! How about we catch up in two weeks to see how you’re getting on?
That would be great. Things should have improved both at home and at work by then.
Answer
Ron does the following things to support his colleague Ed:
- He doesn’t ignore signs of change in Ed’s behaviour. Instead, he mentions these changes to Ed and asks whether he is OK.
- He shows empathy with Ed and doesn’t judge him.
- He offers Ed his personal help.
- He asks questions to help Ed to find his own solutions to his problems.
- He commits to having a follow-up discussion with Ed.
“Could” for possibility, and “should” for probability
When speaking about future options and possibilities, we can use “could”. Look at these examples from the dialogue:
- I could ask my parents to visit…
- They could help with the baby…
- And are there other tasks that you could either delegate or postpone?
- I could wait a few weeks before starting the reports…
- I could send her a weekly overview of my work…
When talking about things that we think are likely to happen, we can use “should”. Look at these examples from the dialogue:
- [The builders] should be finished in about two weeks.
- So, things should be a bit better in around two weeks, right?
- Things should have improved both at home and at work by then.
Useful phrases for supporting a colleague
A. Starting the conversation
- How are things?
- Are you OK?
- You don’t seem yourself.
- I’ve noticed that you…
- Would you like to talk about it?
B. Showing empathy
- I’m sorry to hear that.
- It must be tough.
- I can imagine this is difficult/frustrating for you.
- That doesn’t sound good.
- It sounds like it can’t continue like this.
C. Offering/exploring support
- How can I help (you)?
- Is there anything I can do to support you?
- What help do you need?
- What support can you get?
- Who can help you with this?
- Have you spoken to… about this?
D. Guiding towards solutions
- Which of these things can you influence?
- What have you already tried?
- What things haven’t you tried yet?
- What could you do first?
- Are there any tasks you could delegate or postpone?
- Is there anything else you can do?
E. Offering follow-up support
- Let me know how it goes.
- Give me a call on Friday and let me know how things are.
- I’ll give you a call about this in a few days.
- How about we catch up (again) later in the week?
Key tips!
- Don’t ignore the issue if you feel a colleague needs support. Be proactive and speak to them.
- Listen and show empathy, but don’t judge.
- Offer support with your time, knowledge or connections.
- Don’t feel as if you have to find a solution yourself. Don’t say things such as “In your position, I’d…” or “If I were you,…”.
- Ask questions to guide the other person towards finding a solution that works for them.
- Offer follow-up conversations and support
Geht es einem Kollegen offensichtlich nicht gut, sollte man versuchen, ihn zu unterstützen. Wie das auf Englisch geschehen kann, lesen Sie in diesem Dialog.