Getting the tone right

Email rudeness among team members can take many forms. The direct kind might include passive-aggressive statements or sarcastic put-downs. The non-reply is an example of the more common, indirect kind of email rudeness. Both can trigger feelings of stress. Both lack empathy. And the worst kind could get you fired.

Fortunately, most of the time, you can safely assume that email rudeness isn’t deliberate. At the same time, you should also assume that your emails could be taken the wrong way.

There are a few obvious reasons for this. Emails lack the warmth of the human voice that you get in a phone call.

The non-verbal cues you would get in a face-to-face meeting or a video call are also missing. All the reader has to go on are your words. So, choose them carefully. Here, we present seven tips on how to make your emails more polite.

Open with a pleasantry

Even if you’re emailing the same people back and forth on a regular basis, you can still include some pleasantries from time to time. You could ask “How’s it going?”, which would cover anything the reader might want to talk about. Another option would be to say that you hope someone is doing OK. During a crisis or in uncertain times, this might be your safest option.

Show recognition

Alternatively, if appropriate, you could open with some praise. Pay attention to how people communicate and adjust your language to match the tone and culture of your team or company. While “awesome” may feel over the top in one team, “nice” may come across as too weak in another. Make a note of the positive language that is frequently used and try to mirror it.

Keep to the facts

If an email is clearly rude, you should remain calm and keep to the facts in your reply. Remember, it’s quite possible that the writer is frustrated about the fact that they are unable to move forward with their own work, and don’t realize that they are being rude to you. Think about the reasons why you find the email rude, then avoid making the same mistakes in your own emails.

Be polite and helpful

When you need to ask for something, try a more polite structure. Use “Could you… ?” or “Would you… ?” instead of the imperative, or begin a request with “We’d appreciate…”. If you notice that someone seems frustrated, try offering your support.

Keep it short, but upbeat!

Gretchen McCulloch, an internet linguist and author of the book Because Internet, recommends that if your responses are short, they shouldn’t be too short. While an “OK” on its own can seem rude, she writes, an “OK, sounds good!” or “OK, great!” doesn’t. Note the use of the exclamation mark at the end. McCulloch describes this usage as a kind of polite social smile. Include it to make your response more upbeat. Don’t add too many exclamation marks, though, or it might make you appear juvenile.

Mix it up

If you feel downbeat after reading an email, maybe it’s time to choose a different form of communication: pick up the phone or schedule a video call and clear up any problems in person. It’s important to discuss your communication styles and agree on a code of conduct in the team.

Take a positive approach

It’s all too easy to see rudeness in an email when it wasn’t intended. The way you end your email reply will often influence how the person feels after reading it, so try to end on a positive note. That said, if you feel someone is using email to make a personal attack on you, that will require a very different approach. Forward such emails to your boss or personnel manager and include an explanation of the situation. There’s no reason why you should have to put up with such rudeness.