Guten Chefs und Chefinnen liegt das Wohl ihrer Mitarbeiter und Mitarbeiterinnen am Herzen. Sie begegnen ihnen mit Freundlichkeit und wollen niemanden bevorzugen. Aber kann zwischen ihnen neben der beruflichen Beziehung auch ein freundschaftliches Verhältnis bestehen?
Friendships are good for business. These days, we are distanced from each other as a result of technology. But it is important for us to feel emotionally connected to the purpose and meaning of work and to the friendships we have there. It’s unrealistic for a boss to draw a line and say, “This is purely work and never friendship”. Instead, we need to navigate the boundaries between friendship and work.
You do need some guiding principles. When someone new is hired, they and their boss talk through the job description, role and responsibilities in a negotiated dialogue. It is no different when it comes to a work friendship, especially when you’re the boss. You have to be mindful about the boundaries and rules of engagement. It is about managing expectations so that it’s made very clear that your friend won’t get favourable treatment. If, for example, they might be impacted by a planned reorganization, you have a professional responsibility to keep that information confidential. You and your friend are in different positions in the hierarchy. Your responsibility is to keep your relationship within clearly defined boundaries — and a friend will respect that.
There is always a power imbalance between boss and employee. But one way to deal with this is to make it clear when you’re in work mode and when you’re in friend mode. The optics and the perception of your friendship matter. Transparency, fairness and equity to all employees is super important. But having a friend who is in your reporting structure can make you a better boss. You become more mindful of transparency, communication and boundaries — and also of setting expectations, because you have to. The friendship acts as a catalyst. It fuels your thinking and creates greater clarity. Friendships don’t stop when somebody gets promoted. You have to transcend that boundary and make it work like a glue for the whole organization. Then there will be an increased level of trust and connection so that you will be able to enjoy working with people you really want to work with.
Employees want to feel that things are fair, that the boss is going to treat them like everyone else and that, if they work hard, they’ll be rewarded. Naturally, we tend to favour our friends. As a manager and friend, you might not even recognize bias, but if you become friends with some of your employees, the rest of the workforce will feel disadvantaged.
What if a friend of yours is not performing? How will you react? What if you have an assignment or a promotion to hand out? Are you going to give it to a friend or to someone else? Even if your friend deserves it, how will it look to other members of staff? People will question your fairness.
If there’s a dispute, are people going to come to you if it involves one of your friends? You’re naturally going to have conversations with a friend about their ambitions and problems at work that aren’t necessarily professional.
As a good boss, you should care about what’s going on in your employees’ lives. But that doesn’t mean you have to socialize with them, go out and do the things you do with friends. There is a power imbalance between an employee and their manager. If an employee invites you, as the boss, out for a beer, you can say no, and that’s OK. If you invite an employee out, they might feel that they can’t say no. They could feel pressure to become friends with you even if they don’t want to. Generally, there’s more risk than reward.
Friendship isn’t scalable. When you start a new business with a handful of employees, it’s easy to be friends with them. But what if that grows to 150 employees? You can’t be friends with everyone, and it’s not productive if being friends stops you from making the best decisions for the business. And that’s the challenge, to say to a friend: “Well, I’m friends with you, but at work, I’m going to be completely objective.” It’s healthier to keep a certain distance between yourself as boss and your employees. Being a good manager and a good, caring person doesn’t mean you have to be someone’s friend.