Chris and Gemma were both working for a London-basedcharity when they started dating. They got married in the summer of 2017. “Keep your relationship a secret for a little while — it can be exciting,” they told TotalJobs.com. “But as soon as one person knows, you need to be transparent. It will make your life a lot easier and your colleagues might be more supportive than you expect.”
When you share the same space with another person for eight hours or more a day, it’s no surprise that romance can sometimes bloom. In these days of online dating and virtual relationships, work offers an opportunity to enjoy the physical company of another person, to share opinions, values and jokes — and to deal with challenges and problems together. A recent study by CareerBuilder.com found that 41 per cent of professionals have dated a co-worker. According to The Guardian, some 30 per cent of workplace romances lead to serious long-term relationships.
But if you’re thinking of following in Chris and Gemma’s footsteps, it’s a good idea to check your organization’s HR policy on workplace relationships first. “Some have zero tolerance and expect one of the partners to resign, some are totally accepting of office romances and see it as your own business,” Lydia Fairman, an HR and resourcing specialist, told The Guardian. “Others will have specific rules about who to tell and why, and what to do if one of the individuals is a direct manager or team member, to ensure colleagues aren’t impacted and everything is ethical and fair.”
Fairman also advises potential lovers to observe professional boundaries, to avoid disclosingconfidential or personal information, and not to behave in any way that could make colleagues feel uncomfortable or excluded. For Chris and Gemma, this meant keeping defined work and personal boundaries. “We had to be very clear about when we were colleagues and when we were a couple,” they explain. “When we walked into the workplace, we put on a different hat and got on with our work independently of one another.”
Think, too, about what happens if your relationship ends. Writing for StoryPick.com, journalist Sarjana Singh says that you will have to deal with working with your ex every day, being the subject of gossip and seeing co-workers take sides. This will affect your performance. “If you think you can hide it, you are wrong,” says Singh.
Although people are generally tolerant of relationships between co-workers, partnerships between colleagues from different levels within an organization can be problematic. Basically, it’s hard to say no to your boss. Abuse of power and sexual harassment at work led to the rise of the #MeToo campaign. To minimize the risk of legal claims and the need to pay compensation, as well as negative effects on a company’s reputation, productivity and team working, many organizations now have a written policy covering workplace relationships. Some even have a zero-tolerance policy for relationships between managers and lower-level co-workers.
So, how best to approach a potential date? The HuffPost suggests taking things slowly, testing the friendship first and starting off with a simple coffee instead of a romantic date. If you do ask someone for a date, make it easy for the other person to say no and take care not to embarrass or pressure them.
The stress and emotions of workplace relationships are clearly a challenge. So, is it all worth it? “I feel like I won the lottery every day,” says Ben, speaking to Business Insider.com. He explains how he met a female colleague at a medical conference. “We stayed in touch by email, things got more flirtatious, and we got engaged a year later… We’ve now been married for 14 years, with two kids.If that all sounds easy, it wasn’t. “What made this particularly memorable was that I was based in London,” says Ben, “while she was based in the New Jersey headquarters in the US, and the conference we met at was in Frankfurt, Germany!”