It’s not what you say…

In business, we don’t want to be misunderstood. Effective communication is important. Salespeople must convince customers of the benefits of a product. A PA asks for a higher salary. A nurse needs to convince a patient that a vaccine is necessary. And we all want others to understand our point of view.

To make your message clear, be aware of the three Vs of communication:

• Verbal: the words that are spoken.
• Vocal: the way the words are said.
• Visual: facial expressions and body language.

Getting the balance right is important, as the impact of a message often depends more on the way you present it than on the actual content.

Albert Mehrabian, professor of psychology at the University of Calfornia, Los Angeles gave us the three Vs of communication. His study has been over-simplified, but it’s often summarized as follows:

Verbal: 7% of the message is in the words that are spoken.

Vocal: 38% of the message is the way that the words are said.

Visual: 55% of the message is in facial expressions and body language.

Verbal

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well”

Robin Sharma (Canadian author and leadership expert)

Words carry meaning, and we must choose them wisely. Words can even produce a chemical reaction in the brain. Powerful words can cause the release of dopamine, a chemical that improves memory — examples include:

• Free: (as in “free of charge”) people want to make good financial decisions.
• Guarantee: providing the customer with a sense of stability and security.
• Love: a positive emotional connection.
• Now: reduces hesitation before action.
• Unique: makes people feel special.
• Win: most of us want to avoid losing.
• You: the most powerful word, as it forms a connection with an individual.

Besides being powerful, words should be easily understood, especially when working with non-native speakers. It’s usually a mistake to try to show sophistication by using complicated language or by copying fancy words used by native speakers.

Tip: KISS (keep it short and simple).

Vocal

“The human voice is the most perfect instrument of all”

Arvo Pärt (Estonian classical composer)

“Paralinguistics” refers to how we say things, not what we say. Without it, it’s impossible to understand the expressions and thoughts that go with words. This includes intonation, stress, accent, and the use of silence and pauses.

Stressing a word affects the meaning of a sentence — for example:

• “I know how you feel about John.” This means that no one else knows.
• “I know how you feel about John.” You’ve told me this many times before.
• “I know how you feel about John.” But how do the others feel?
• “I know how you feel about John.” But how do you feel about me?

And finally, with no stress and flat intonation: “I know how you feel about John.” Everyone feels the same — he’s hopeless!

Try playing with your voice. Say the word “well” to show the meaning indicated. Get a friend to listen and give you feedback.

1. It was a good film, wasn’t it? — Well… (I don’t think so)
2. How old is she? — Well… (I’m not sure)
3. He got married to Helen. — Well… (What a surprise!)
4. It’s your fault! — Well… (I’m insulted)
5. I’ve made a decision. — Well? (What is it?)
6. You’re so clever. 3 Well… (I’m flattered)

Another powerful communication tool is silence. Pauses can add impact and emphasis to words, and silence can encourage others to speak. We learn to use paralinguistic elements by copying others.

Tip: Stress the most important word(s) in a sentence to help your listeners understand your key ideas.

Visual

“I speak two languages, Body and English”

Mae West (American film star)

Body language isn’t an exact science, but you can get an understanding of what people think from their posture, gestures and how much eye contact they make. If you want to improve your non-verbal communication, look at TV interviews or chat shows. Watch the body language. What signals show that people are confident, engaged and open to discussion?

Not all non-verbal signals are universal. Some psychologists say that about 75 per cent of non-verbal signals are common to all humans, while the rest is cultural. For example, if you move your arm up and down with the thumb upright, it’s interpreted as hitch-hiking in Western countries, but it’s an insult in Nigeria. In parts of the Indian subcontinent, people shake their heads to show agreement, which is confusing to outsiders.

Tip: When you visit a country for the first time, spend an evening in a restaurant or bar and observe how people interact with each other. You might get a feel for the non-verbal communication style of the locals.

Modern technology

“Regardless of the changes in technology, ...well-crafted messages will always have an audience”

Steve Burnett (American author and leadership coach)

Messaging apps like Zoom and Slack have enabled and accelerated remote working. At least for younger people, text­ing has widely replaced talking on the phone. And their phones are on 24 hours a day. These developments affect the three Vs. While in voice-only calls, the paralinguistics are very important, when we text, the vocal element disappears and it’s harder to use stress and emphasis. On video calls, most of our body is out of the picture, so faces and backgrounds become more important — although slow networks can play havoc with facial expressions.

Use of new technology and social media has increased immensely. That leaves less time for real-life interactions, and verbal communication may decrease further. But I doubt the three Vs are any less important. Effective communication is an essential tool for productivity and business relationships. It just needs adapting to new technology.