It’s not always easy to say no. A colleague might ask for a favour or your boss might need something done. But, sometimes, you have to say no to protect yourself against stress and burnout. Then, it’s a question of doing it so that it doesn’t damage the relationship with the person asking for your help. Have a look at the conversation below and highlight the words and phrases you might find useful in such a situation.
Expressions in context
Harry is busy working on a report to the board. It needs to be finished by Friday. Sara visits him in his office to ask for help.
Sara: I’m glad I’ve caught you, Harry. I really need your help.
Harry: What’s up?
Sara: I’ve just been told I have to give a presentation about our product range to the Italian group tomorrow. Could you help me prepare? It would only take a couple of hours and...
Harry: Sorry to interrupt you there, Sara. You know I’m usually happy to help, but if I don’t get this report to the board by Friday, my head will be on the block. I’m afraid it’s just not possible for me at the moment. I’m sure you can get a presentation together yourself. You’ve got all day today.
Sara: But I’m not half as experienced as you.
Harry: You’ll be fine. But if you feel you need help, have a chat with Sandra. She’s done it before. Maybe she could help.
Sara: I’ll do that. Thanks for the suggestion.
Later that day, Harry is interrupted by a call from Jack, his boss.
Jack: Hi, Harry. Just a quick question. You know we have the group from Italy coming. They’ve asked to visit our Birmingham site, so we need someone to show them around on Thursday. I was wondering…
Harry: Sorry to jump in, Jack. I’d happily do it some other time but, right now, I’m afraid it just wouldn’t work for me. I’m totally tied up this week with the report for the board meeting on Friday. If you could reschedule to next Monday, I could do it.
Jack: They go home on Friday.
Harry: How about someone from production? Could they do it?
Jack: Good idea. I’ll try them.
Remember!
- Before you say yes to anything, find out exactly what is involved. Ask yourself what you will not be able to do as a result of taking on the new task – then decide what is the best use of your time.
- Delay the decision until you have thought through the implications. Ask for time to think and then get back to the person asking.
- If you decide to say no, use the sandwich technique, as Harry does in the dialogue. First, he makes a positive statement; then, he politely says no and gives a reason; finally, he says something positive again.
- A hard no is difficult to say. “I’m afraid I can’t”, “It’s not possible”, “Not at this time” and “That won’t work for me” are all ways to say no that don’t feel quite as harsh.
- Offer some alternatives to support the person asking for help.
- If someone comes with a request for help and you already know that you’re going to have to say no, interrupt them politely and avoid encouraging body language, such as nods and “aha”s.